What is true?
When I was studying for the bar exam my flat was wallpapered with butcher paper so that I could visualize the outlines of the massive quantity of information I had to cement into my brain, during one hundred percent of my waking hours. Everything was efficient. Brushing my teeth was also torts review. Getting my 5 minutes of sun on the deck was also civil procedure. Dropping the needle on a Notorious BIG vinyl for a dance break from studying was actually also contracts.
The intent was kind of like how people write affirmations on the bathroom mirror. Above my desk was the murder chart, in direct eyeline from my office chair was the mens rea (mental state) required for a homicide conviction, so it is pretty much the only thing still cemented into my brain.
If only I’d had the foresight to also write, “you are enough” on that one.
A far cry from sitting under bright office lights in a fancy suit, here I am burning dried lavender to soothe a bunch of bees in the plumbing before I work on the equipment.
It begs the question, am I the same person I was?
I’ve been operating for years on the premise that I am not the same person I was back then. Outwardly, it is apparent. The above picture intentionally drills down on that point. Internally, it felt apparent.
But I put that assumption through a logic exercise I like to use—first asking,
what do I think is true?
Then, you guessed it,
what is actually true?
What I find when using this tool more often than not is that what may feel true is this moment may or may not be in the next. While I do actually believe that I am a new version of myself every day, I also believe there are truths in our bones reflecting the unique flavor of lightness that defines each of us. And so my premise was indeed false.
The stark contrast is not a falsity, but rather an incomplete picture. What my life looks like now, what I look like now, is more aptly the reflection of a shift in values; where I choose to invest my time, energy, and love is dramatically different than it was a decade ago. It is not very complicated actually.
It is more common than I’d like to admit that when I meet someone who knew of me in any sense beforehand, they comment on how I do not fit neatly into their preconceptions. And the ultimate irony is that I don’t even fit into my own preconceptions—my Aquarius heart is beaming with pride.
My invitation for you is to expand your perception to gaze into the full picture. In this moment, what is alive within you? What do you think is true? What is actually true?